


Lonely

by sharedwithyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mindfuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: A few snapshots of loneliness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lovelies!!! I've missed you sooo much!!
> 
> Life has been crazy and decided to also give me carpal tunnel on top of everything so I haven't been able to write AT ALL
> 
> this is an intro to what will hopefully be a collection of slightly related one-shots based on all our fav characters.
> 
> Please leave me a comment letting me know how you've been! Missed you all like crazy!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky
> 
> OH. AND GO WATCH AVENGERS RIGHT FUCKING NOW I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULD DESTROY ME BUT IT WAS AMAZING.

  


"Don't you get lonely?"

  


Simple enough question, with so many undertones. Always depending on who was saying it.

  


From your mom, naggingly reminding you she wanted grandchildren sooner or later. "I can always have a kid out of wedlock if you'd like instead, ma."  


  


From your sister, eager to finally have someone to double date with that wouldn't make her feel like the fat friend when she ordered fries instead of salad. "I see how happy you are, hon. I don't want to settle for anything less."  


  


From guys who tried to pick you up at bars, or coffee shops, or Walmart or wherever, soon as they saw your ring finger bare. Before they even took a good look at your face sometimes. 

  


"Not interested."

  


Really there was an answer that could satisfy everyone, but it was just too unsatisfying to you to say out loud.

  


  


Everyone gets lonely sometimes.  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll add more once my wrists start getting better! Love you all!! The first installation of this fic should be showing up by the end of the week (if my physical therapist does their job right hehe)
> 
> Tell me how you've been! 
> 
> Quick Poll: duhhh you know the deal. and since this is a series of one-shots you can be greedy ;)
> 
> XOXO Bucky


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slightly inspired by Winter - Joshua Radin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!!! I'm taking a break from my job b/c of my injury!!! So yeah it sucks being physically shreked but at least now I can write!!!
> 
> As usual this is angsty but what's new right? My FREEDOM that's what!!
> 
> Hope all my lovelies enjoy!! Looking forward to writing more!
> 
> XOXO Bucky

"Is it your superhuman-ness that makes you immune to cold or do I just have no heat retention capacity?"

"Biologically modified." He didn't like super-human, too much like superhero perhaps. He saw himself at best an anti-hero, otherwise just a mess. A walking disaster. 

Whose jacket you wanted to borrow.

"And yes it's you, not me."

"Shut up and gimme!" You yanked at his coat as he grinned and shrugged it off. 

It would be so sweet if he'd taken it off and draped it over your shoulders like one would in a romance novel.

Then again you had no patience, so you guessed the moments wouldn't be any more rose-colored than the innocent blood he'd spilled.

But you didn't hold it against him.

After all, maybe he would've wrapped it around you tightly himself if you'd waited.

"Hey."

You snapped back to reality, like Eminem would. "Yeah?"

"Stop daydreaming. We have a task at hand."

"Right. Buy Christmas decorations."

"You mean Thanksgiving."

"Ugh I just want presents already! And snow!"

"Says the woman who gets cold when the temperature dips below a brisk 74 degrees."

"Hmph." You pushed him, drawing away quickly when the cold metal shocked your hand. "Don't jinx it. Who knows with global warming these days?"

He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you felt a shiver down your spine. He took it as a sign you were still cold; but a single stroke from him could make your knees weak.

"I would never. I'd miss out on watching you shake like a leaf in the slightest bit of shade."

"Shut up and cuddle me."

He raised an eyebrow at you, always uncomfortable with affection and public (or private) displays, even when offered in a completely unromantic way.

You sighed dramatically, hiding your twinge of disappointment, "I'm freezing. Huddling generates warmth. Or traps it. Something like that."

"I already gave you my jacket. And you're no longer shivering."

"Fine. You caught me. I just wanted to touch you." You stuck out your tongue so he'd know you were joking, or at least that you wanted him to take it as a joke.

"I'm calling human resources."

You laughed, the happiness and sadness mingling and blowing away along with the echo of his chuckle mirroring yours.

**I remember the sound, of your November downtown.**

"What is this bullshit?!"

"The top of a bikini."

"I know what it is Thor. I want to know why Tony thought it would be an appropriate stocking stuffer!"

"Would you prefer a notebook full of personally-thought-of hand-curated holiday innuendos? Because that's what I got." Bucky waved it in your direction.

"...what?"

"Yeah. And please stop saying stocking stuffer. He dedicated a whole chapter to that, and it has forever tainted that phrase for me."

"Hah! Taint!"

"No more eggnog for you!" You grabbed the mug from Thor and resisted dumping it on his head. This was supposed to be a secret spy mission with you and your Bucky Bear! And it technically wasn't cheating because Nat the Cat had made you swear on Bucky's luscious head of hair that you wouldn't open presents early. Stockings didn't count!

Of course you'd woken up Thor trying to when you'd stepped on his head, but how were you supposed to you know he'd fall asleep by the fireplace?!

"Alright, alright I get it. I'll leave you two lovebirds alone."

You were too busy glaring at the Norse jerk to see Bucky stiffen at the implication. "One word to Nat, Thor, and I'm poking your eye out."

"I said I was leaving!"

You threw the highlighter yellow spandex mess at his retreating form, but a smile was tugging at your lips, especially when Bucky started laughing quietly.

"And what, pray tell, is so funny?!" Just because you adored him didn't mean he needed to know.

"You hate the cold. But with this weather, you could actually wear that for the Christmas photo."

"The whole point of a Christmas photo is to take it before Christmas so you can send it in your Christmas cards!"

"Well Tony got drunk and hired a team of photographers for tomorrow, so..."

"Whatever. I'm not wearing this. I'm burning it."

"Oh come on, it would look great on you." You blushed with pleasure at his teasing, reminding yourself to give him 3 glasses of eggnog a day from now on to forever. You wouldn't know til later that he couldn't physically get drunk- he'd just wanted to flirt.

"Shut up. You know I don't like showing that much skin. And that I HATE hot winters!"

"Okay, so anything above 76 degrees is scorching. You have a perfect 3 degree tolerance. I'll have them add it to your special talents in your file."

"Nobody has access to those files except Maria and Fury."

"You think their security system could keep a superhuman out?" He could finally joke about it, and you loved that.

"Oh really? What else does it say about me then, Master Spy?"

He leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes to enjoy the last sip, against the warmth of the fire, and maybe the cheer at having you eagerly waiting for his response.

"Top of her class her entire scholarly career."

"Psh, easy guess."

"From the time she was in Kindergarten and saved the school from being blown up by an 8th grade science project."

"...huh." Only Nat the Cat knew that one. And if she blabbed, you were putting her delicates in the industrial washing machine.

"Proficient in hand-to-hand combat, specialty in Jujitsu and Kendo."

"Ok, but you could've just observed that from watching me train."

"Is that what you call beating the dummies to pulp after the Scrubs episode where-"

"Dont. Bring that up again." Brendan Fraiser was a treasure and should never be allowed to die in any movie, even as a guest actor in 2 episodes of a long-running series.

"Ultimately deadly."

You looked away; this was a huge compliment, especially considering-

That he was in essence a trained killing machine?

Nah, considering that you were head over heels in crush with him.

You wouldn't say love; not then, not now. Not in love.

"Because of her killer sense of humor."

You squealed in half-delight, half-frustration, and threw a pillow at him, starting a war that eventually ended up with fluff, upholstery and somehow even carpet pieces in the air.

And when you'd gotten tired of getting your ass whooped by soft plush, you'd felt his fingers brush your cheek as you fell asleep on the couch next to him, exhausted. 

**I remember the truth, a warm December with you.**

"I miss him too."

"Yeah, that doesn't make me feel better at all, Rogers."

"I have a first name, you know."

"Yeah. When's the last time I used it?"

 

He shook his head. "How long are you going to punish me?!"

 

"Tony would have a field day with that question."

 

He put your hands on your shoulders then, the first time he'd reached towards you since he put your boy in a snowglobe. 

 

Your boy. Not your man. You couldn't lay that claim. Definitely not your lover.

Not your love.

 

Any earlier and you'd have backed away. Probably pushed him too. Even odds on bitch slapping across the face.

 

But you'd lost count of the days you sat on your ass on the front step staring at nothing, until the take-out brunner arrived and you ate two bites and went back to bed.

 

And each day, for at least an hour, he'd stood behind you. Usually scared of silence and occasionally saying the wrong thing. But if you couldn't forgive him for letting Bucky go-

 

 

You could at least forgive him for everything else.

 

 

You turned and stared hard back at him, and he almost stepped back. Maybe you weren't a cold-blooded weapon, and maybe you weren't armed with your humor this time, but your gaze made an impact anyway.

 

Maybe he wasn't apprehensive or scared, just surprised that you'd finally met him where he needed you.

 

"Your own pain, however the magnitude, doesn't diminish mine."

 

 

"At least, let me hurt with you."

 

 

So you patted the ground by you, and he sat beside you, his arm around you.

 

"Randomly I'll remember something he said. I'm okay for a while, then suddenly it's like he's here, and I feel a sharp pain in my chest like he's the one stabbing me."

 

"That's morbid, (y/n)."

 

"Well, he was a morbid guy.

He'd say whatever was on his mind, even if it was annoying. And more often than not, it was."

 

"That's what made Bucky, Bucky."

 

 

**Your name is the splinter inside me**

 

 

"When summer comes, can we let him melt?"

 

"I don't know, (y/n)."

 

"Come on, all that heat's gotta work on cryo right?"

 

He chuckled sadly. "You always find a way to make me laugh."

 

You turned and placed a hand on his arm, wanting to feel something. And for a second, his hair seemed longer, his skin ice cold to the touch. You closed your eyes, and searched for the memory of the rumble of a chest drifting into the atmosphere.

 

 

**Your voice is all I hear somehow, calling out Winter.**

 

 

He looked away briefly, before smiling sadly and carefully putting a strand of your hair behind your ear.

 

"Tell me what I can do to make you smile, (y/n)."

 

You sighed deeply, leaning into his chest and pressing your cheek against his.

 

 

"I think you know, Steve."

 

 

He shook his head, but as he did so his lips met briefly against yours anyway.

 

And with your eyes closed, and no other comparison having been offered

 

 

You couldn't say definitively who it was.

 

 

**If only I could wait.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M A LITTLE SORRY
> 
> leave a comment if you liked!
> 
> Random ramblings:  
> Quick Poll 1: WHOOOOO  
> can you wait?! I don't know if I could...
> 
> Quick Poll 2: which part hurt the most?!  
> mine is probably when lovely won't admit even at the very end she loved him.
> 
> Could you feel the steve/lovely undertones at the end? Maybe just me... you know how when you shake your head your face moves back and forth? well yeah that's how Steve ends up kissing you 'cause your cheek was against his... on purpose or on accident you decide
> 
> Missed you all SOOOO much! I can't wait to break your hearts some more ;) Love you all and thank you for sharing your time with me
> 
> brunner is what me and hubby call breakfast+lunch+dinner. and yeah the song Winter was featured in that episode of Scrubs I mentioned hehe. fourth wall touching! 
> 
> XOXO Bucky the Mindfucker


	3. On A Rooftop Once More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty Sequel to On a Rooftop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovelies!!! My wrists are finally getting a bit better so time for another chapter!! I've missed you all. 
> 
> This is very angsty as a opposed to 'On a Rooftop' which was light and whimsical. But I think it's a worthy addition so if you're ready to feel the pain ( I mean you're reading Bucky's stuff so ya know) keep scrolling!
> 
> Look forward to writing more soon!
> 
> XOXO Bucky
> 
> p.s. Spiderman is almost tied to Iron Man as my fav avenger. It's getting close...

"So what was your favorite present?"

 

"Huh?"

 

You poked him in the forehead, since he seemed completely out of it, more so than when Clint had shoved an airhorn in his ear and screamed surprise and the rest of you popped out from behind the furniture. Except for Thor who chose to burst out of the chimney, raining bricks and mortar onto you all.

 

"Did you forget it was your birthday again??"

 

"Ah, no." He blushed and you felt your heart skip a beat like it used to when Tony winked at you.

 

"It's ok, you can admit it. Tony's one-year subscription to Hustler right? It's ok, no judgement."

 

"No!!" He shoved you lightly, accidentally shocking you. "Oh crap, sorry!"

 

"Webs and now electricity? You tryna beat Vision in the multi-power department?"

 

"It's the stupid carpet!" He ducked his head and swung his legs.

 

You loved sitting on the edge with him. It was a bit more dangerous seeing as it was the Tower and not the second floor of the ice cream shop, but still.

 

You guessed it was a bit less dangerous now on the whole, though.

 

"Yeah Tony slacked a little this time. He's usually a great gift-giver but he went old school. Really though, you can just look that shit up on the internet."

 

"True. I mean not that I would! "

 

"It's okay Petey you can admit you watch porn." You weaved and bobbed so he couldn't shove you this time, almost falling off the roof in the process.

 

"Holy shit, (y/n)!"

 

"Wow, I never hear you curse. I guess 18 is the age of edginess now."

 

"Shut up and hold on." He mumbled into your neck as he hoisted you back up by the waist from where he'd caught you.

 

"Sorry." You were used to falling off the building ever since Tony set up the security suit that hovered around the 14th floor in constant orbit. Once in a while you'd just close your eyes and freefall, waiting for the feel of metal arms almost crushing your ribs, the way he used to after dropping you "for fun."

Of course the bruises afterwards made you realize it wasn't worth it. At least until the next time you got in a huge fight with Iron Asshole and felt self-destructive. And almost entirely hollow inside.

 

What hurt more than the words was the realization of how much you cared. If he wasn't still under your skin, it wouldn't tear you up like it always did.

 

Despite his webby prowess though, Pete never got used to your nonchalance.

 

"Why do you do that?!"

 

"Why do you always freak out? You know the suit will catch me-"

 

"It's stupid! Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should!"

 

"Says the guy who made a web mustache on the statue of liberty."

 

"On a dare!"

 

"How is that an excuse?!"

 

"It was YOUR dare!"

 

You laughed and leaned back on your elbows, watching the flashing lights of airplanes and possible UFOs. "You better be careful. Now that you're 18 you'll get tried as an adult in court."

 

"That's not all being 18 means."

 

He gazed at you the way a boy would; desire that hadn't yet led to heartbreak. How was it that lust could bring out the innocence in him?

 

You held his gaze for a few seconds; there weren't many things to be indulgent about since Nat the Cat had cleared the junk food out of all 3 kitchens and Steve had put parental controls on all the streaming programs.

This look was more satisfying than any food or movie could possibly be.

 

You hoped it would be enough. For you, anyway. There was no telling with Peter. 18 was a volatile age. Though perhaps not nearly as much as a 47 year old man-child.

 

"I'm not going to deflower you." You decided that humor would diffuse the situation best.

 

"What makes you think I'm a virgin?!"

 

"Well, when we played never have I ever a year ago Tony asked-"

 

"Yeah, a year ago!"

 

"Oh let's see was it the pretty blonde you asked to homecoming?"

 

"No!"

 

"How about the adorkable girl who asked you to Sadie's-"

 

"Stop." He put his hand on yours and swung his body around to face you completely.

 

"I saw it (y/n). You want it as much as I do."

 

"I wouldn't say as much-"

 

"So you admit that you do. Want it."

 

You looked away and chuckled. "We don't always get what we want, Pete."

 

"Is it because of Mr. Stark?"

 

You felt your heart plummet to your stomach, as much as it did the first time he'd let go of you midair.

Maybe more.

 

"He said you could call him Tony now, remember?"

 

"A non-answer is just as bad as saying yes."

 

You held in the sigh that threatened to escape your lips. "It's getting late. Let's go inside." You stood up and held your hand out but he ignored it.

 

"Come on Pete, I think there's still some cake left. Unless Bruce forgot to eat dinner."

 

He scooted forward to the edge again, not looking back at you.

 

"I want to know how you feel."

 

"There's not enough words in the dictionary to go down that road, babe."

 

You closed your eyes tightly as the nickname slipped out, the one Tony used when he was sorry, when he was begging you not to go back to the roof.

When he knocked on your bedroom door and whispered, hoping to hear your footsteps come to unlock it and let him in.

 

He was too young. Too young to know, to understand.

Too young to be tarnished by a longing that had no chance to turn into love.

 

"Maybe this will help."

 

When you opened your eyes again, he was gone. A second later, the alarm of Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend' rang and you hastened forward to look outside.

 

He was hanging limply, his hands at his side with no web to be seen, as the suit lifted him back to the roof.

 

"If you won't tell me how you feel, at least I can try to feel it for myself."

 

As you shook your head and ran back inside, the tears blistering your face against the wind, your heart was running into his arms to give him his birthday kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you liked!
> 
> Random Rambling:  
> Quick Poll 1: whoooooo
> 
> I was gonna make this way angstier but petey is my baby =/  
> It ends on a heartbreaking but open note. Because I couldn't let one of my few sweet fics end with lovely walking away. I need WAY more spideylove.
> 
> Quick Poll 2: what would you like to see next? (in this collection or for the On a Rooftop series)
> 
> Let me know how you are all doing lovelies! Leave me a note if you like!
> 
> XOXO Bucky


End file.
